Today’s challenge was to deal with a conversation with a friend of mine who rang to talk to me about supporting her and getting clear about how we could work together but during the conversation she mentioned her dispute with her business partner. In the conversation it became clear that she had had a document prepared by a very good solicitor but the negotiations were breaking down. Although her relationship had not been great at the time, when she sat down with her (having had a chat with me) she was on good terms and then everything seemed to go wrong when the document was received. The document prepared by the lawyer was in fact a very “gentle” document but somehow still it caused offence and had put a rift between them. The result was that the business partner appeared to be changing the “goal post” and also did not envisage being able to work with my friend in the future.
My friend knows me well and knows that my position is that I do not like conflict and will do everything possible to get people communicating to allow them to deal with it rather than get into an expensive fight. The way that the documents were going meant that my friend was going to end up spending more and more money as the documents got changed and then re-changed as the goal post moved and the resentment grew deeper.
Having listened to what she said, it was clear to me that, however misplaced it may be, the document had caused some sort of upset to her business partner and she said she needed to sit down with her business partner, ideally with me present and with the partner also having someone to represent her (if not a lawyer, somebody that would give her the comfort of not feeling she would be bullied) so that we could have an open and honest discussion about what was really going on. The alternative response was the conventional one which would have involved taking a stance, making it clear that the proposals she was making were unacceptable and generally making threats about what would happen if she did not come to the table and reach a settlement promptly. I felt this approach was not helpful and would cause further division.
I asked my friend either to call her friend or to send an email saying that she appreciates that for whatever reason she is not unhappy with the documents and that her own stance is that she wants to have a good working relationship with her in future and therefore she would like to sit down with her and talk things through. I said that she should raise the point about somebody being there to represent her but also making sure that she is comfortable and does not feel as though she is going to be backed into a corner. My friend said she would me the draft and we left it on that basis.
On a personal note, I found the conversation potentially challenging as I was worried about how to approach the situation that I knew could be very difficult and I did not want to tread on the toes of the lawyer who had done the document who I knew to be excellent. However, the outcome of suggesting a meeting seemed perfectly natural and far more satisfactory way of coming at the problem, being committed to an ongoing good relationship between my friend and her business partner.
Update: the outcome of this conversation was that no meeting was necessary. The email itself broke the stalemate between them and they have now been able to reach a settlement without having to run up further legal costs. The email triggered a successful telephone conversation (previous attempts to speak by phone were unsuccessful as the other partner never took the call or rang back and this time she got straight through!) the core of which was the desire to have a good ongoing relationship.
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