Phew – it worked!

I met a client and friend for dinner last night and to my delight he acknowledged me for some assistance I had given (in front of my life partner who is unaware of the ground-breaking stuff I am experimenting with). I had been approached by him over being bought out of a small business venture he had gone into with a friend. They had been friends but the friend was now not paying the money they had agreed and was proving difficult to tie down and my friend felt he had to take legal advice to protect himself.

I told him that my stance is always to avoid disputes and that I am committed to leaving no stone unturned in helping people resolve conflict and to have a good ongoing relationship. I offered to sit down with them both as a neutral observer to provide what I call “assisted communication”.

I explained that it involves me sitting with them and there rules are simple: each party can say whatever they need to say about how they feel, etc and neither is allowed to interrupt the other. I said that the only person who can interrupt or bring the session to an end is me. I said that if they do not find a resolution then I cannot act for either of them. Furthermore, I am committed at the outset to them resolving their conflict have having a great ongoing relationship. That sums up what I do.

We met some weeks later, it went like clockwork: they each spoke their mind. I guided them through areas to help find creative solutions that spoke to each of their needs and they then documented it briefly.

Last night he tells me that his friend has made all but the last payment which is due shortly and he now has a great friendship with him again and he thanked me for my input that resolved things so quickly and easily. I feel very proud of this simple but effective tool. The fact is that whenever I go into one of these, I always have to remind myself of the commitment to find a resolution even though I have no idea how I will find it and I then have to give up the self doubt that would block the flow of listening and creativity that is necessary to do this. When I just trust myself despite not having any idea how I will do it, it always works out.

For non-lawyers reading this post, the key thing to say is that as lawyers our training hammers into us that we have to "get things right" and that if we don't we face getting sued. It's perfectly understandable and nothing is wrong but it can make us fearful and leave us working well within the proverbial box otherwise our insurers may be unhappy and indeed may even refuse cover in extreme cases. The reality is that much can be done outside the box that is more likely to reduce the risk to insurers but the fear prevents us trusting ourselves and in some cases we might fairly be accused of using this situation as an excuse to avoid confronting our fears.

I admit to being terrified quite often when I face new situations but I have learned to let go of the fear and actually trust my innate intuition and in doing so the outcome is almost invariably positive.